It's Always Something in Waco

As most of you are no doubt aware, I live in Waco. Yes, go ahead, get it all out of your system: I am INDEED a member of the Branch Davidians, and between time at the compound, I spend my days murdering basketball players while drafting apologies for lynchings and protesting at the President's ranch.

For anyone who reads these words and doesn't think of these things, I have to ask: How long have you been living under a rock? Because let's face it, if it's one thing Waco has, it's a reputation. An undeserved one in many cases (see: the Davidian meltdown at Mt. Carmel), but one thing is certain. It's always something in Waco.

Which gave me a great idea for a semi-recurring theme to the new Greetings, Gentle Readers! I could take an opportunity every now and again to point out the little things that make this city unique; the things that set us apart from other cities of a certain size, nay, the stories that make this Jerusalem on the Brazos what it is today.

Stories like this: a 100-pound six-year-old wants to enroll at the better of the two local school districts. What's the big deal? you may ask. Obese 1st graders are a dime a portly dozen. True enough, but Pharoah K. (I kid you not -- that's his name) has another problem, namely his 14-inch long hairdo.

You see, Pharoah's mom says his "unique" style is religious in nature, having been derived from a passage in the book of Judges that says a man loses part of his power when he cuts his hair. However, this is in direct conflict with the school district's hairstyle policy for male students, which says hair can't be below the eyebrows (bangs), the middle of the ear, or past the collar in the back. A bit stricter than some of us had to deal with while growing up, but pretty fair and clearly spelled out, right? It's obviously intended to keep kids' hairstyles from being a distraction, regardless of the religious intent behind it.

Did I mention that there's just one problem with mommy's argument about not cutting her kid's hair? Take a look for yourself:

Ummm...

Not to nitpick here, folks, but doesn't it look like almost all of his hair has been cut at some point, except for his mega-long rattail? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of claiming a scriptural precedent? Cause I'm pretty sure the passage doesn't say, "Yea, cutting a man's hair (except for a skinny, braided rattail you keep in the midst of the rest of his oddly-shaved and quasi-dredlocked hair) shall reduce his power, so be sure and keep that rattail nicely braided."

Now, when I first read about this, I expected this kid to have 14-inch long hair all over his head, but to me, the idea that preserving a rattail serves as a basis for religious exemption is absurd. Not to mention the fact that mom has been raising holy hell the past few days, saying her son has been denied admission to the district because of his hair.

Point of fact: the school district is on the record as stating that they'll happily allow him to enroll ... as long as he agrees to abide by the district's dress code. Sounds reasonable enough, doesn't it?

But I'm sure this will lead to some kind of big "freedom of expression" or "religious expression" debate, and the very fact that this whole story was front page news just goes to illustrate my point: No matter what kind of great news is happening in this town, when it comes to what makes the headlines, it's always something in Waco.

Post script: In my humble opinion, a six-year-old who weighs 100 lbs. is suffering from a kind of child abuse. I'm just sayin'.